Stereotypes

During a recent sermon our pastor referenced in a funny way (in passing) how husbands relate to their wives - I can't remember the exact stereotype but it was something to do with insensitive, less emotionally and relationally in tune, etc.  I wondered (admittedly in a somewhat self-righteous way) what impact these types of references  had on our way of viewing ourselves and the other gender.

Initially I was critical, thinking that this type of reference is subtly offensive to those of my ilk, but then I realized I had done a similar thing in a conversation with a young male patient and his mother that week.  We had been talking about a potential depression I suspected he was suffering from.  He scored quite low on a depression screen I had asked him to fill out indicating that my suspicion of depression was probably wrong.  I took another stab at it - "we guys are usually not really well in touch with our emotions" I ventured.  Obviously this was a blatant though probably widely held stereotypical belief about the less fair gender.  Busted!

The reason we can get away with such biased statements is because in making them we include ourselves with the guilty party.  We are in a sense engaging in self depreciating humor to make a point.  However, we would never get away with saying something like that about a group that we were not a part of.  For instance I would never imply that women or Torontonians (2 groups in which I do not hold membership) were insensitive, emotionally uninformed boors.  In a way our biased statements are permissible because we are including ourself in the "joke" much like the Indocanadian comic Russell Peters whose Indocanadian mocking shtick is edgy but would be blatantly racial if offered by anyone of a different background.

Despite this apparent self effacement, we are in a subtle way influencing thought and perpetuating stereotypes. If we joke enough about husbands being insensitive will we begin to believe it, accepting behavior consistent with and rejecting behavior inconsistent with this belief? I wonder....

Would it perhaps be more useful if one wants to be self effacing to use oneself alone as an example and not drag the rest of one's group into it. "I know that often I am not tuned in to my emotional state" rather than "guys tend to not be too well tuned in to their emotions."  Maybe not as amusing but perhaps less likely to create and perpetuate stereotypes.

Do angels Swear?

About a week ago, I was feeling overwhelmed with church stuff – cluster, small group, elders, mentoring, and shepherding. Wasn’t Jesus’ yoke supposed to be easy and his burden light? In a moment of discipleship fatigue, I cried out “Lord, please bring your kingdom to my world this week without me even being involved. Show me your power and capability to do this without me.” I then spent the week in anticipation – looking for God’s hand in “bringing his kingdom.”

Later in the week I was meeting a friend for coffee. He is going through a difficult time in his marriage, having been separated for 6 months, and I had been challenging him with the gospel – to love his wife as Christ loved the church – that uncommon unconditional supernatural love that only God can fuel. I knew that he had been challenged by and resistant to this message.

I arrived at the coffee shop first and ordered a drink. Seeing my friend’s car (let’s call him Bill) pulling in I said to the barista that I would pay for his too. There was an older woman off to the side at the counter apparently just “hanging out”. As Bill entered the cafe he called out his usual loud friendly greeting “hey Bro!” I asked him what he wanted. “A friend” he said promptly hanging a right and going down to the washroom. The three of us at the counter (myself, the barista and the older women) had a chuckle. “I’m not sure if you guys have those on the menu do you?” I said.

When Bill returned minutes later the older woman started talking to us about her “friend” that she had had for 53 years – her husband. Bill, always one to pursue conversation with strangers said “so what’s the secret to a successful marriage?” She started to list them – “Get along. Work on it. Hang in there through the good times and the bad.” (Exactly the words that Bill needed to hear). “That is so what we’re not going to be talking about” he said intimating his desire for an out in his marriage relationship. The conversation continued back and forth between them in rapid succession:

-“Are you married?”

- “For now”.

-“It’s like the vows say ‘to death do we part’ “

-“That can be arranged!”

-“Jesus....” she said shaking her head ripe with good natured exasperation ”... you know.... you guys....” (further head shaking).

She then wandered off to have coffee with her “friend” of 53 years and we sat down to our drinks and conversation. I wondered if this was how God had shown up. I couldn’t have scripted that gospel message introduction to our conversation better if I had tried. It truly was the heart of what Bill needed to hear. Bill kidded that she was “a plant”. I sat there marvelling at what God had done and wondering if she was an angel. But.... do angels swear?

Unconditional Love

Marguerite and I recently invited a bunch of our new neighbors and some other friends to our Christmas carol party. The plan was to go and carol in the neighborhood and walk over to the extended care near our house and bless the residents with song. As it turned out, only 1 neighbor and his son came. We didn't even hear from the others that we had personally invited.

In spite of the lack of neighbours responding, the evening was wonderful; an amazing time of laughter, song, worship and joy. I can't remember a time when the carols have been so meaningful to me as when the group of us were singing of the hope of the Christmas story to those living out lives that, because of the ravages of age, are far from hopeful.

Despite this incredible experience, the next day I began to think about my "inconsiderate neighbors. " I allowed resentment and bitterness to settle in and simmer. "That's just rude" I thought. "The least they could have done was to call and say they weren't coming." " That's the last time I invite them to anything," I finished off with.

While perversely enjoying marinating in my bitterness and self pity, there was a vague sense that perhaps my attitude wasn't quite right. I allowed myself to take that vague thought out and examine it. I had recently learnt that our sins (unrighteousness thoughts and actions) had their basis in not believing something about God - about his glory, his greatness, his grace, his goodness. Remembering this caused me to ponder God's grace - his pursuit of us when we were far from him and in rebellion against him. I thought about the fact that God kept pursuing (despite multiple rejections ) even to the point of sending his son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. In the face of this unceasing gracious pursuit he was still rejected yet never gave up in going after us. In Romans 10 he says "All day long I have held out my hands to a disobedient and contrary people." Nothing says this with more of an exclamation mark than a baby in a manger entering our world on a rescue mission. "The word became flesh and dwelt among us. "

As I prayerfully pondered this in light of my own resentment the words "how do you think I feel?" came to mind. Indeed. How did he carry on putting himself in a place of rejection. How did he feel? The only answer that explains his action is that he, in his essence, is love. He inexplicably loves you and me.

When reflecting on the unparalleled love of the Father I had two thoughts - firstly I had a new appreciation for his grace. What an amazing God we have, so unlike me in my petty bitterness. The rejection he suffered was many levels of magnitude greater (embarrassingly so) than mine - the creator of the universe not only indifferently ignored by his creatures but actively rebelled against and ultimately beaten and killed, yet he kept on loving and pursuing. Secondly it made me think that maybe, in light of this amazing truth, I could give it another go - that maybe I could be more gracious and forgiving and persistent in my reaching out to others. Maybe I would take my cues from my heavenly Father in not giving up after one rejection.

Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.

Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.

Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name.

You wanna go where people know,
people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows
your name.

("Where Everybody Knows Your Name" by Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart Angelo)
Cheers Lyrics

The other day I had a cool experience when entering my local coffee shop to meet a friend for coffee. Being a fan of the tv show “Cheers” in my early days, I thought their “community” there at the Cheers Bar was admirable on many levels. For the hapless Norm to have everyone shout out “Hi Norm” as he entered the bar and flopped onto his usual bar stool must have been his daily highlight.

Anyhow, when I walked into our neighbourhood coffee shop that morning the place was packed. I immediately saw Denise and her husband Mark in the centre of the shop and was approaching them to greet them when I heard my name called from the 4 o'clock position and had to turn to my right to greet Bob with a wave and a wink before turning back to utter a few words of greeting to my initial targets. Just then, as I was approaching the counter, my friend Ken who I was meeting for coffee, approached me and we had a few preliminary words. Meanwhile, simultaneously the owner of the shop behind the counter called out my name asking me if I wanted “the usual”. All this occurred in the course of about 60 seconds. It was quite a display! It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. Certainly all the social moons were in alignment for that particular moment in time.

By this point in time I was feeling a bit self conscious. I was sure that others in the shop were wondering who this popular fellow was. Not only did he have acquaintances in all quadrants of the coffee shop but he was one who had “a regular”. It was at that moment, as I listened to my dark grande coffee being dispensed, I realized that I had finally arrived..... I was known.

Kids say the darndest things

I was having breakfast this am at Starbucks with my little princess Paige. As we usually do, we talked about the joys and challenges of the world of an 11 year old and a 52 year old. I was giving sage advice about how to deal with her problem of blushing when giving a presentation in class (an 11 year old challenge but one that I have much experience with). I was quite pleased with some profound analogies, advice and sayings that I was slowly weaving into the life of my young daughter – feeling quite impressed with the father that I had turned out to be. At one point, appearing to process the latest morsel of advice she said “did you do that?” Well... no, I had to admit, I did exactly what she had done (been anxious and self conscious about the problem) but I sure wish someone wise had given these tidbits to me!

As we moved on in the conversation I asked what God was teaching her these days (a question as it turned out that should have preceded all of the above). She said that a verse had been given to her both by her teacher at the end of the year and by her friend at camp this summer and that she had been thinking about what it meant for her in her life. The verse was from Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight.”

Well, her simple innocent statement and recitation of this verse was like a simultaneous light going on and gentle slap in the face from the Lord. I could just hear Him saying (with an affectionate chuckle) “you think you’re so smart with all your “understanding” in this situation and here your young daughter has demonstrated deeper understanding than you”. With a more humble demeanour I said to Paige “maybe we should have started our discussion there”.

Maybe before immediately moving to my understanding and wisdom in trying situations I need to stop, take a breath, acknowledge Him, and begin to lean into Him and His trustworthiness. Thanks to my Paige for having ears to hear from the Lord.

Blackberries!

I had a wonderful hour of blackberry picking with my youngest daughter Paige today. It is so amazing that God has graced us with such an abundant crop without a bit of our own planting, cultivating or maintaining. The "icing on the cake" was spending time with Paige (another of God's wonderful graces to me) marveling in the caches of succulent purple berries and creating a blackberry crumble together to boot. The coup de grace will be sampling the finished product. What a great day! God is good!

Famous

There is something exciting about seeing your letter to the editor printed in the paper. My 5 seconds of fame!

By Dan MacIntosh, Vancouver Sun August 27, 2011 The only thing more maddening than the B.C. Liberal party's handling of the HST fiasco from start to finish is Finance Minister Kevin Falcon's characterization of the $3-billion price tag for the HST reversal as a "manageable bump on the road." I'm not sure what parallel universe of roadways he travels on, but in my world $3 billion is more than a bump.

It is more than a little disconcerting that he would treat taxpayers' hard-earned cash so casually and callously. The idea of spending that much of British Columbians' money to fix a problem that the Liberals created rubs me the wrong way. Maybe if one deals daily in numbers with that many zeros the amounts seem insignificant, but this small bump looks like a rather large mountain from my vantage point.

I hope that going forward, before encountering any more "manageable" bumps, Falcon and his crew will choose their road more carefully.

Dan Macintosh


Read more: http://www.vancouversun.com/news/Despite+being+triumph+democracy+anti+vote+financial+pain/5317084/story.html#ixzz1WFGEKjEu