Fish and Loaves?

Many have asked me about the title of this blog (ok that's not really true - no one has shown much interest in the title at all). I wanted to go for something much more trendy like 5L2F (5 loaves 2 fish) but a) it was already taken and b) my teenage daughters rolled their eyes when I suggested it.

The reference to fish and loaves is the story from Matthew 14 of the feeding of the 5000 - an amazing miracle performed by Jesus. As I have been preparing for this trip to Zambia to work in a mission hospital for the month of August I have been feeling a strange mix of excitement and anxiety. Excitement for the adventure and the newness and the thought of sharing such a potentially life changing experience with Cameron; and anxiety primarily about my own lack of resources - do I know enough tropical medicine? Will it be safe? Have I got everything ready? Will I really make a difference in the midst of so much need? etc, etc.

In the midst of this potpourri of feelings, I was reading in Matthew about the feeding of the 5000 (actually 5000 men not including women and children). Jesus' ministry had been growing in popularity and the people had followed him to "a desolate place" that he had withdrawn to by boat. After a day of Jesus meeting the crowd's needs (healing the sick), the disciples encourage him to send the people away. The thought of dealing with a sick, hungry crowd in a desolate, resource poor place was overwhelming to them. Jesus says to them "you give them something to eat". I'm sure as they heard these words, their hearts dropped and they acutely felt their own inadequacy. Jesus was asking them to do the impossible. He had given them a task beyond their own resources.

To their credit, they did the appropriate thing and brought what little they had to Jesus. As it happened, it was 5 loaves and 2 fish. I'm sure that they brought them tentatively and with more than a little embarrassment thinking their offering much too small and inadequate to be used in the face of such a great need. Then Jesus steps in and does the impossible. He blesses and magnified their offering. The crowd ate and was satisfied and there was much more remaining than they had begun with (12 baskets of left overs!).

This has become a powerful image for me as I embark on this mission trip. In the midst of my feelings of inadequacy (mostly appropriate since I am inadequate), Jesus says "you feed them - you meet the needs that you are confronted with". I think he does this to help me see my inadequacy, to marinate in it and to turn to him, offering what little I have and trusting him to do with it what he will. He is able to bless and magnify my knowledge, my skills, my personality, my energy, my love. He wants me to offer myself (the apostle Paul would say as a living sacrifice), acknowledge my utter dependence on him and sit back and watch as he blesses and magnifies. What a privilege to be a part of that!

So... on the eve of heading out on this trip, I want that to be the theme. In fact, I want that to be the theme of my life......thus the title (I still think 5L2F would have been cooler...)