Stereotypes

During a recent sermon our pastor referenced in a funny way (in passing) how husbands relate to their wives - I can't remember the exact stereotype but it was something to do with insensitive, less emotionally and relationally in tune, etc.  I wondered (admittedly in a somewhat self-righteous way) what impact these types of references  had on our way of viewing ourselves and the other gender.

Initially I was critical, thinking that this type of reference is subtly offensive to those of my ilk, but then I realized I had done a similar thing in a conversation with a young male patient and his mother that week.  We had been talking about a potential depression I suspected he was suffering from.  He scored quite low on a depression screen I had asked him to fill out indicating that my suspicion of depression was probably wrong.  I took another stab at it - "we guys are usually not really well in touch with our emotions" I ventured.  Obviously this was a blatant though probably widely held stereotypical belief about the less fair gender.  Busted!

The reason we can get away with such biased statements is because in making them we include ourselves with the guilty party.  We are in a sense engaging in self depreciating humor to make a point.  However, we would never get away with saying something like that about a group that we were not a part of.  For instance I would never imply that women or Torontonians (2 groups in which I do not hold membership) were insensitive, emotionally uninformed boors.  In a way our biased statements are permissible because we are including ourself in the "joke" much like the Indocanadian comic Russell Peters whose Indocanadian mocking shtick is edgy but would be blatantly racial if offered by anyone of a different background.

Despite this apparent self effacement, we are in a subtle way influencing thought and perpetuating stereotypes. If we joke enough about husbands being insensitive will we begin to believe it, accepting behavior consistent with and rejecting behavior inconsistent with this belief? I wonder....

Would it perhaps be more useful if one wants to be self effacing to use oneself alone as an example and not drag the rest of one's group into it. "I know that often I am not tuned in to my emotional state" rather than "guys tend to not be too well tuned in to their emotions."  Maybe not as amusing but perhaps less likely to create and perpetuate stereotypes.