Celebration!!!

I am not one inclined to celebrate – I don’t know why - a part of me is more Eyore than Tigger.  I want to hold back and not give myself wholly to unfettered joy.  I object to inauthentic displays of positivity and flakey fluff so I sometimes err on the side of pessimism.  I am cautious and miserly with my public display of enthusiasm.  There is sometimes something pathologically enjoyable about wallowing in the muck of gloom and despair. 

I don’t want to give the impression that I am always down.  I have moments and seasons where I exalt in being alive; where everything is sunshine and happiness.  I do have seasons though, where I am inexplicably down; viewing everything through mud tinted glasses. 

I have recently been going through one of those down seasons.  Part of it had to do with my perceived failure in ministry.  As a Christian “leader” sometimes my value and worth is too closely tied to my performance and results.  If my small group or cluster is going well, I am happy and feel worthwhile and conversely, if things are not going well, my stock crashes.  Lately our cluster has not been going the way I had envisioned it.  I felt that I had a vision for where God wanted to take us and unfortunately, others seemingly didn’t share the same opinion.  By making some strategic changes to steer us in a “new fresh direction”, I ended up decimating the group – at least if one can measure decimation by the numbers turning out.  In fact, it got so bad that a couple of weeks ago our cluster (defined as a group of 30-40 people living life together) had an event attended by only myself and one other (the other being my wife and she had to be there!).  No matter how much of a positive spin I tried to put on it (“we had a quality time together” I said), the event became a symbol of my failure as a leader and an emblem of my lack of worth. 

As others talked about their cluster success stories (“we’re bursting at the seams and are thinking about splitting into two groups!”), I found it hard to “rejoice with those who rejoice.”  In fact, the thought of strangling those who rejoice came to mind.  A deep intense anger was building – anger at my cluster people, anger at myself and my inadequacies, and, when I peeled back the layers, I realized I was angry at God.  Why hadn’t He made my vision happen?  Why do ministry and mission always have to be so hard?  Why can’t you just bring the fruit God? 

I got alone to stew (in my hot tub) and started pouring out my heart (and a tentative bit of my anger) at God.  Actually it started out as full on pity party.  As I processed through prayer, it began to become clear to me that I had reversed roles with God.  The servant had become the master, the subject the king, the private the general.  I was annoyed and angry because God had not carried out my vision.  He had not blessed and brought about my plans.  In a moment of insight I realized that I had put myself in the place of God and expected him to be my celestial butler.  

My joy and my worth had become dependent on my circumstances.  If things did not go the way I wanted, my being screamed out “not fair!” in adolescent-like immaturity.  This was not a view of myself that I found overly attractive.  Several passages of scripture came to mind.  I thought of Job and his dressing down by his creator – “dress for action like a man (translation: man up!), I will question you….where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?…”  In other words,” who are you to question my ways?  If this is what I have for you right now in your life that is for me to decide.”   

I thought of the words of the prophet Isaiah ^“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. “  God is above and beyond us.  He sees the big picture and is in control.  Not only that – he loves and cares for us. 

The next day I was reading in Lamentations (a suitable book for the state of mind I found myself in) and came across a long lament in chapter 5 about the state of the city of Jerusalem and environs at the time of the exile.  The author goes into vivid detail about the desolation and desperation of the situation.  Famine, slavery, injustice, jackals prowling – happy stuff!  Certainly things where not going the way he or the Israelites had pictured it.  In the midst of this depiction, the author says “but you oh Lord, reign forever; your throne endures forever”.  In the midst of the stark imagery of the brokenness of the situation, hope breaks through and a stake is driven into the ground – Despite all that is going on around me, my God reigns!   

As the prophet Habbukuk said: “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights. “ 

The apostle Paul, in the midst of his imprisonment (a fate worse than a poor cluster turn-out) for his involvement in mission and ministry says on numerous occasions “rejoice in the Lord always!” and, in case he wasn’t heard “again I say rejoice!”  We are to be a joyful celebratory people!  Our joy is to be found in Him – not in our circumstances, not in creation, not even in the cool stuff He does in our lives – IN HIM!!!! 

Does this mean that we ignore disappointment and difficult circumstances?  Do we simply put on a happy face and “suck it up”.  Are we to be all happiness and blissful inauthentic fluff?  No.  Our joy comes from a deep place.  An underground stream of deep peace and satisfaction based on our relationship with our creator runs consistently in our souls.  It is unaffected by the above ground stuff – our circumstances. 

So why should I celebrate? Why should I rejoice?  Because God’s the King of the universe, he’s my Papa and He loves me more than I can imagine.  That’s why.